The Self-Soothing Survival Guide for Courageous Self-Advocacy

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For recovering people-pleasers, guilt, self-doubt, fear, and shame are some of the greatest obstacles to self-advocacy. These feelings can be so difficult that we’ll do anything to avoid them⁠—which often means playing small, staying silent, and never setting the boundaries we need to feel protected and respected.

When we begin standing up for ourselves after a lifetime of people-pleasing, difficult emotions⁠—which Hailey Magee calls “growing pains”—are inevitable. The solution, she says, is to build a new relationship to these feelings⁠: one grounded in presence, compassion, and a felt sense of safety instead of avoidance and fear.

In this 2-hour workshop, you will learn a toolbox of strategies to combat guilt, fear, and shame so you can stand up for yourself with confidence.

This workshop draws from research on polyvagal theory, self-compassion practices, somatic self-soothing, and other innovative, outside-the-box approaches to emotional resiliency. It includes four parts:

Part One: Identify Your Habits

When we feel guilt, fear, or self-doubt before or after setting a boundary, we may second-guess ourselves; take back our boundaries; or try to outrun our feelings. By identifying our typical reactions to discomfort⁠, we create the opportunity to choose a new response.

Part Two: Reframe Guilt and Fear

Sometimes, our guilt and fear result from distortions in thinking; overlooking possible positive outcomes; or over-focusing on short-term discomfort while under-focusing on long-term freedom. In this section, we'll explore a variety of reframes that help you reduce guilt and fear.

Part Three: Soothe Hard Emotions with Self-Compassion

Sometimes, our difficult emotions can’t be “solved” with reframes; we simply need to soothe through them as best we can. In this section, we’ll explore how self-compassion practices can help you can become your own safe haven, creating the ground you need to make the choices that are right for you.

Part Four: Find Inner Safety with Nervous System Regulation

Sometimes, we struggle to self-advocate because our nervous system thinks we're in danger, even if we're not. In this section, you'll learn how to identify when your nervous system has become dysregulated and use a selection of tools to come home to safety, connection, and inner calm.

This particular workshop does not explain how to set or enforce boundaries. For that step-by-step guidance, you can visit Hailey’s on-demand workshops Boundaries 101 for the Recovering People-Pleaser or Using Boundaries to Sustain Complicated Relationships.

This workshop is not intended for individuals embedded in abusive relationships. If you are seeking support for an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233).

Advance registration is required. To learn more about Hailey's work, visit www.haileymagee.com. Have a question? Email Hailey at hailey@haileymagee.com.